A Financial Poise column dedicated to the belief that success in business is meaningless without success at home.
When people seek out support for concerns, problems or even crises, we often feel inclined to offer advice. We want to alleviate the stress and solve the problem. We offer solutions that, most likely, the person we are addressing has already considered. As intelligent human beings, we dive into fixing mode — regardless of the futility.
Leadership is an ingrained quality. It’s a blend of charisma, bravery and confidence that allows certain people to take charge. To lead well requires more than just innate talent. Natural leadership is not the same thing as effective leadership. So, how do you develop effective leadership? You work at it.
When there is an issue to resolve, there is a different approach than deciding who is right and who is at fault. Think of it in terms of circular causality. In other words, how do your actions influence people? And, how does the action of others influence you?
Take control of your personal and business relationships, and stop letting other people control your emotions.
Relationships are work. Most couples don’t find that out until they are in the thick of it. It’s the secret our parents didn’t tell us. It is also the one that we are tending more and more to tell our kids. Building a life, raising children, and managing careers with another person can overwhelm even the most committed relationship. Two people carry with them two sets of needs and two sets of expectations. As life moves forward, it tends to get more complicated and couples can get lost along the way.
Having kids can upset the balance of a finely tuned couple. Suddenly, business as usual doesn’t work and change is inevitable. This change can happen seamlessly, with each person adapting to new roles quite naturally. Or it can be difficult. When the new roles and rules don’t correspond with the old ones, conflict between the couple is the typical result.
Preparation for life after divorce or loss can be very difficult. Life as a single adult is very different from life as you knew it. Much of what feels different in your day-to-day living can be attributed to a significant change in your routine.
When two people can’t seem to manage conflict or a challenging situation between them, one or both will typically go-between tension by calling in a third person to help.
Couples frequently hire me when they are struggling the most. I get engaged for couple therapy when couples have exhausted their own attempts at problem solving and are feeling pretty hopeless. Or I am hired for divorce mediation, when couples are facing the end of their marriage, usually on the heels of some pretty unhappy months or even years.
A business can tolerate a certain amount of fluctuation and chaos. Some of that fluctuation is part of its operating pattern and the return to the ingrained patterns is predictable and familiar. However, when the business is stretched beyond the point of return it will undergo structural change.